Life after Death Sentencing

Movement for 9/6/08:

• Yesterday led me to believe that Mom was in "recovery" from, well, something, who knows what. I was expecting a day in which she was at least as mobile as yesterday. I was wrong. Although it took no more than the usual effort to arouse her and move her to a sitting position on the bed and she was in good humor, easier to coax into first conversation than is often the case, although she rose fairly easily from the bed and walked, with environmental and my help, into the bathroom, more slowly than when she's at her "best", to be sure, but she did it, our bath was full of good humor and although she stood for groin bathing with more, rather than less difficulty, she stood well, something about all this told me to cut the groin part of the bathing short and get her lower half dressed as quickly as possible so she wouldn't collapse.
• Something else told me to ask her if she thought she could make it into the dinette walking, rather than just assume this. I can't put my finger on what it was. But, it was a good hunch. Typically, if she's feeling good enough to walk, she not only refuses the wheel chair, she initiates the following, "I know you like that wheel chair," she says, at which point I interrupt and say, "No, I don't, but sometimes it's necessary so I don't have to scrape you up off the floor on our way to our destination," to which she responds, "...well, I don't like it and I don't need it." This bit of conversation didn't take place today.
  
• Although breakfast went well and she was not more or less engaged and chatty as usual, once again something lead me to ask, once she was standing for movement into the living room, if she felt she could make it on her own. It seemed to me that she probably could, but I asked anyway. "Well," she said, with what I thought was a teasing twinkle in her eye, "I just don't know..."
  "Mom," I lightly scolded her, "I need a truthful answer, not a tease. You haven't been all that agile, lately, and I need to know if you think you can walk and walker into the living room and over to your chair."
  She was visibly surprised that I thought she was teasing. "I'm serious."
  "You don't think you can make it?" I was surprised, but held it out of my voice.
  "That's right."
  "What is it that makes you unsure?"
  "Well, I'm not sure."
  "Is it your legs or something else?"
  "It's hard to say."
  "Is it your energy level?"
  "That sounds about right."
  "Okay. Sorry to keep you standing so long," she had begun to slowly sink back into the chair, "sit. I'll get the wheel chair."
• At this point, she's still up. we're watching The Ten Commandments. I expect she'll want to take a nap at the intermission. At this point, I can't say what her movement preference to the bathroom and bedroom will be, but, whatever it is, I'll take her word for it. If she decides she wants to try to walker and walk it, the wheel chair will be right behind her. Just in case.
• She did, indeed, walker and walk her way to a nap; with some difficulty...it took her the length of the living room to go from wobbly to fairly secure on her feet, but she did it, and the steps, and the rest of the way. She did the same when going to bed, and brushed her teeth at the sink without a problem. One her way to the bedroom, though, she lost her footing, although she didn't collapse, she merely stopped. I brought the wheelchair up behind her, but she refused it, telling me that "I just need to catch my breath." She actually didn't catch her breath, but her determination rallied her all the way to her bed, where, after dropping to the mattress, she said, "I must have had quite a day! I thought I almost wasn't going to make it!" but, she did. Good for her. Every day I have some reason to think, "Damn, I admire that woman's courage." Today, this episode was the reason.

Movement for 9/5/08:

• Well, even though Mom was still a little iffy this morning, she refused the wheelchair and I felt confident enough in her ability to "ambulate" (love that word; it's so...clinical) that I'd ask but wouldn't insist. She was slow and picky about moving her feet, but she did her usual routine. She used the new walker today and mentioned that she is "much more satisfied" with it than the rickety one from the charity place. It doesn't improve her skill, but it has a seat, in case she gets tired or feels wobbly, and she mentioned, of her own accord, that "it's sturdier". It is. She was still tired, still took a longer than usual nap today. However, just about 20 minutes ago she walked out of the bedroom (after having gone down for sleep at 0130) on her own, unbeknownst to me. I realized what she'd done when I heard her huffing and puffing (she'd taken off her oxygen), looked up and there she was at the banister between the foyer and the living room. Before she went to bed, as usual, I'd filled her in on my plans in the morning, including the possibility that I might go to Costco (although, now, I'm sure I won't, but I have one other minor, close errand, I have to do) while she's still asleep. I always let her know, as she's bedding down, if I plan to be out of the house in the morning. Not that she necessarily and consciously remembers, but I always tell her, anyway, to make sure she knows what's going to be in the next day's routine. Anyway, I guess she lost track of time while she slept, than awoke an hour after beginning her night sleep, remembered what I said, and she was checking to see "if [I was] home yet." Although she attempted to disguise it, she was a little worried...not for her, but for me, as usual, I discovered, when I probed what appeared to be slight anxiety. "It's dark out," she said, "I just wanted to make sure you got home safe." She's a love, that one.
• So, she's moving better. She even looks better this evening than she did this morning. I mentioned to her, after I awoke her, while we were still in her bedroom (it generally takes about 45 minutes from the time I initially awaken her for us to get to the bathroom) that, although I wasn't sure, she seemed a little "peaked" (pronounced: "peek'-id") to me, meaning she looked pale. She didn't look pale this evening, though. She mentioned to me, after her nap, that she "felt better" and "must be getting over her cold", although I'm sure it wasn't a cold from which she was suffering. I'm just not sure what it was. I'm not particularly anxious about it. Could have been zooming hemoglobin; could have been a recovery from low electrolytes caused by the light diarrhea, caused by the prune juice; could be something connected with her cancer and possible metastasis, who knows. It's late.

Movement for 9/4/08:

• Well, today was worse than yesterday. Wheelchair all the way, all day, today, even from the dinette to the living room. I can't remember how long it's been since she's done that. Even when she has initial morning difficulty and I wheel her to the dinette for breakfast, by the time breakfast is over, she's ready to try walking into the living room and can usually accomplish this. Transfers were hard for her. Even standing up from her rocking chair was hard without my help. Usually, it's easier for her to stand up on her own from her rocker, even though she also usually prefers my help from other seats, like her bed, etc. That's why her usual chair is the rocking chair in the living room...it's very easy for her to rise out of it on her own. I am seriously concerned. She doesn't look all that pale, but her anemia tricks me up a lot. It would seem, too, by now, that if she had been suffering from low electrolytes because of my enthusiastic use of the prune juice every night for the last week, she'd have recovered by now, so I really have no idea what's going on. Again, today, twice, when trying to walk (which she tried only twice; after that I insisted that she only stand on her feet during transfers) she complained of having "too much leg". I asked her, the first time she mentioned it, if she meant that her legs were too heavy. "No, she said," just like there's too much." I'm not sure how that would translate into symptomology. She's been very tired, more so than yesterday, so I've been generous with nap time. If she continues to have trouble tomorrow, I'll call Hospice and let them know what's going on. I don't think they'll do much, but I mentioned to the RN yesterday that I had some concerns about her hemoglobin possible jumping around and mentioned that I'd leave word with him on Monday if she continues to have problems so he'll have time to see if he can get an order for a CBC/BMP blood draw for Tuesday. However, if she is having difficulty tomorrow, I'm going to leave a message then that I definitely want him to seek permission for a blood draw, regardless of what happens over the weekend.

Movement for 9/3/08:

• She just couldn't seem to get much purchase with her legs, today, although she tried. I had bought her a new walker that morning and she was excited about it, but I could tell, from her halting, almost collapsing walk through her bathroom that we'd have to put off using it. When she got to her dresser I pushed the wheel chair behind her and she gratefully sat in it and we wheeled into the bathroom. Keeping her up on her feet for groin bathing was iffy. Between front and back (each side lasts a minute or less) I had her sit, which is very unusual. The Hospice RN arrived before we made it out of the bathroom. I wheeled her to the dinette.
• We didn't actually make it into the living room between breakfast and her nap. After the RN left she didn't want to move, so we sat at the dinette table and chatted while she finished her tea. Then, she went in for a nap, directly from the dinette. She attempted to stand and walk but mentioned that she felt her had "too much leg", so I positioned the wheelchair behind her and took her to the bathroom and bed with that. She transferred fairly well, but was not able to lift herself just using the handles of the wheelchair.
• Although she managed to walk, more haltingly than usual, to the bathroom after her nap, she was so iffy on her legs that I insisted on wheeling her into the living room. I also wheeled her into the bathroom for bed preparation. She insisted that she wanted to walk from the bathroom to bed, even though she chose not to stand at the sink to brush her teeth. She made it into bed on her own two feet but just barely.

Movement for 9/2/08:

• No wheel chair, today. She did her usual movement thing, walking with environmental and/or my support when appropriate, using the walker when appropriate, taking the steps without a problem, etc. Today she performed a little bit as though she was still getting her "sea legs" back, but that might have been my imagination, as well.
• Something I forgot to mention about movement during the reporting vacation:  At least twice that I can recall she roused herself from her nap earlier than usual and, by the time I was aware she was up, she was about halfway down the hall under her own steam. On the one hand, that's a good sign. it means that she has confidence in her ability to "ambulate". On the other hand, continues to need (and will continue to need) a lot of support and observation when she moves, just in case, so I need to be a little more alert. Some of the problem will evaporate when we can cut back on the number of fans we're using, right now. That should begin to happen within the next couple of weeks.

    Along with the Vacation from Stats which I mentioned over at The Dailies, I took a vacation from reporting on her movement. I thought, then, since I'll probably get back to this tomorrow, that I'd give an overview, which is this: Only one thing of significance to report

1. Over the last six days she's been, here and there, a little weaker than usual, only, however, enough so that a practiced observer would notice. We've used the wheel chair here and there, but not consistently. There have been some days when it hasn't been used at all and no days when it was used exclusively. Generally, it's been used in the morning from the bathroom to the dinette, usually about halfway to the table for breakfast, and in the evening from the bathroom to the living room for the evening, again, after she's started attempting to walk but, either because her right knee is too "iffy" or she appears to be a bit weak, we've switched from walking or walkering to wheeling. Today, however, so far, we haven't used it at all and I suspect we won't. I think it could be that her hemoglobin is dropping, or perhaps bouncing about, a bit. As well, we've had heavy duty monsoon weather consistently for the last week, at it's worst yesterday. That, again, seems to be clearing, so this may make a difference in her ability to get around. In the meantime, I think, just to be on the safe side, I'll mention to the Hospice RN that maybe next week would be a good week to take a blood draw for a CBC and a BMP.

    My intention is to continue reportage tomorrow, although I'll probably mention something about how she does tonight, as well, later on. I can't remember how Tuesday ended, so, as far as I'm concerned, that post is complete.