Life after Death Sentencing

Movement for 7/11/08:

• Took longer than usual to get her moving. She awoke once at noon, straight up, but decided she wanted more sleep. Since she'd gone to bed at 0300 this morning, I didn't have a problem with this. Once she arose, though, from the way she was reacting I expected a day with little movement.
• Walked under her own steam to the bathroom. Decided, after bathing, that she wanted to be wheeled to the kitchen.
• Walked under her own steam to the dinette banister to enter the living room after breakfast. Took the stairs. Walkered to her rocking chair, even though I offered a wheeling. Transfers, up to and including the rocking chair, were not as crisp as usual.
• Decided to take advantage of the wheel chair to the foyer banister. Took the foyer steps on her own. Once she was up the steps she decided to walk under her own steam to the bathroom and to her bed for a nap.
• Walked under her own steam from bedroom to bathroom after nap. Walked, also, from bathroom to foyer steps, took the steps and walkered to the rocker.
• Walkered from rocker to foyer steps, took the steps. Walked under own steam to bathroom. Again, stood to brush teeth at sink. Afterwards, walked under own steam to bed.
• During her "morning", because I was so surprised and pleased that she chose to mobilize to the rocker, I decided to initiate exercises. Not a good idea. She was not interested, was lethergic, and we stopped after a few arm and leg stretches and some marching in the chair. Guess we'll wait another day or so on the full exercise monty.

    She seems to be, nominally, back to normal, in the sense that she expects to be able to move around her home with the aid of assistance devices, the house, furniture and counters and/or my aid, even when she's having a slow day. As well, earlier in the day, during her morning, when I talked about spreading the wildflower seeds we have and mentioned that I found another packet that I need to spread "tomorrow", she talked about the possibility of going outside and watching me do this. She also expressed concern about doing this "in the rain", which we're still having, and easily talked herself out of doing this. I don't blame her for this. She's not a lover of rain.

Movement for 7/10/09:

• When she finally awoke she was game to walk into the bathroom under her own steam. I was tired, though, and gave her little bits of shit along the way about her technique. This angered and discouraged her, I think, and, as well, she was disappointed that the weather was working up to a rainy day. She chose to have me wheel her into the dinette for breakfast.
• Between breakfast and her nap we decided to watch a movie. She walked to the dinette banister under her own steam, took the stairs with my help, then walkered over to the rocking chair. She decided to be wheeled into the bathroom, though, pre-nap, although she took the stairs on her own.
• She walked into the bathroom under her own steam after her nap, walkered to the foyer banister and took the stairs but decided to be wheeled to her rocker. Before bed, though, she walkered to the foyer banister and walked under her own steam into the bathroom. Tonight, as well, she decided she no longer wanted to brush her teeth sitting on the toilet with me holding a spit bowl below her chin, offering her a glass of water for rinsing, and spitting into the spit bowl. I wasn't sure she had the strength to stand for as long as necessary at the sink, but she did just fine; better than she'd been doing for a couple of weeks prior to the evening of 5/14/08. This is a major improvement.
• She continues to do transfers to chairs and between chairs fairly well to well; it all depends on how tired she is. We are regularly doing our stretch/drop shoulders/wiggle hips routine, now, when she stands, which is a definite improvement.

    Overall, a good, though late starting and late ending day. I guess we'll reset our bearings over the weekend, since I'm sure she'll want to adjust her hours to take as much advantage of MPS's and MPNC's visit next week, Monday through Thursday, as possible.

Movement for 7/9/08:

• She was harder to rouse, this morning, than she has been. Opted to take the chair to the bathroom, then to the dinette for breakfast. Transferred well, although slowly. Had to be reminded to straighten her knees and use her feet to turn her ass toward where ever she was about to sit. Didn't always do this. Today was also the first day in a long time that I've had to remind her to distribute her weight equally between her left and right legs when standing. When we went through the "stretch, drop shoulders, wiggle hips" routine during bathing she did each only half-heartedly.
• Stayed at the dinette table until she was ready to nap about four and a half hours after arising. Chose to be wheeled into the bathroom then into her bedroom. Transfers slow but somewhat more adequate than this morning.
• After awakening from her nap, decided to walk with the aid of the house and its furniture into the bathroom. This was tiring for her, though, and she opted to be wheeled from the bathroom to the foyer banister. She descended the stairs, though, on foot, insisted on it, then I wheeled her to her rocker.
• At bedtime she decided to walker to the foyer banister. I was surprised and pleased, too, because by that time I was very tired and wasn't looking forward to the whole wheel chair thing. Once she'd ascended the stairs she decided to be wheeled into the bathroom and into bed. Was pretty lackadaisical in transfers; I had to pull her away from sitting on the arm of the wheel chair when she was transferring to bed.

Movement for 7/8/08:

• Walked, using walls, furniture and counters, into the bathroom from the bedroom this morning. Did well.
• Walkered from the bathroom to the dinette for breakfast after bathing this morning. Did well.
• Went in for a three and a half hour nap after the Hospice nurse left. Decided she wanted to be wheeled into the bathroom and into the bedroom.
• Walked into the bathroom under her own steam after her nap, today. Decided she wanted to be wheeled into the living room, though. I made the decision to take her down the ramp instead of have her negotiate the steps.
• After the movie, her breathing treatment and her leg rubdown, she decided she wanted to walker to the banister, took the steps up to the foyer, then continued walkering into the bathroom. She walked into her bedroom under her own steam.

    I was surprised at and pleased with her renewed interest in movement late in the evening. I even clapped once she had sat on her bed, and congratulated her. She flashed me a wry grin. "That deserved applause," she confirmed. I couldn't help but take silent note at how courageous she is, even and especially under the duress of this final period of failing health in her life. I recall, earlier in the day, as the Hospice nurse was concluding her interview, I mentioned that I felt the most important factors in Mom's prognosis were her will and her spirit, which continue to remain strong and high. I was unable to say this without shedding tears, as usual, thus, Mom had trouble hearing exactly what I'd said. The nurse repeated it for her. Mom beamed.
    She is, indeed, one courageous woman. She simply isn't ready to take "no more" as an answer. This quality of hers, I think, is actually going to make it easier on me when she finally does decide that "no more" is an appropriate answer to the question that is her life. It will be obvious that she's had enough. I suspect, considering what I've learned of her character in the last several years, that her answer won't actually be "no more", it will be, "I'm ready for something else." What a gal.

Movement for 7/7/08:

• First Part of the Day: Mom walkered from her bedroom to the bathroom, stood well for lower torso cleaning, again participated in our "stretch, drop shoulders, wiggle hips" routine, and remained standing for back and front cleaning, turning to allow me access, without sitting down between.
• She walkered into the dinette without a problem.
• After breakfast, which was late, considering that she didn't arise until sometime between noon and 1300, I looked at her and could see that she was very tired, much more than she has been in several days. I asked her if she wanted to "repair" to the living room or go down for an early nap. She chose the nap, not at all to my surprise. She looked like she needed and wanted one.
• She was hard to awaken from her nap, which I allowed to last four hours. I could tell, from her lethargy, that she wasn't really into moving much. As I always do, I gave her a choice: Evening being wheeled or evening doing some, if not all, walkering. She chose wheeling. I didn't blame her. We even used the ramp into and out of the foyer, although she performed all transfers well.
• She stayed up ntil almost 0100. Transfers this evening went well. She was ready to go to bed, although she was alert throughout the evening and ate well.

    She wasn't the only one tired today. I was not only tired, for the first day in many days I ached all over. I don't know why. You'd think, by now, I'd be used to all they physical activity her care now requires. I ran a few errands today, though, too, and everyone seemed to be admitting to being tired. It occurred to me that most people were recovering from the holiday weekend. That wasn't my or my mother's excuse, though. I even took an hour's nap after running afternoon errands...which is one of the reasons Mom had such a long nap. She didn't complain. Neither did I.
    Oh well. Mom will be having more and more days like this. I can handle that, I think. I hope I won't be having too many more, though.

Movement for 7/6/08:

• After awakening, Mom chose to move into the bathroom for bathing using the walker. I followed her closely with the wheelchair. She made it about halfway to the bathroom from the bedroom before sitting in the wheelchair. I asked her why she decided to sit. She replied that her legs "still felt shaky." My assumption is that they felt shaky after her long sleep.
• No more substantial movement, other than transferring to and from the wheelchair, until after breakfast. She decided she wanted to walk, aided by the table and chairs, to the banister in order to enter the living room and sit in her rocker. This is the second time this week she's decided to do this. She did well all the way and descended the stairs slowly and carefully without a problem. Once she was on the living room level I assumed she wanted me to wheel her to her rocker but she brushed the wheelchair aside and walkered to her rocker. She had a bit of trouble trying to decide how to turn her walker in order to seat herself. I helped her out, here, by moving the walker out of her way and offering my arms as steady "banisters", which she took.
• No more substantial movement except for transferring to and from the wheelchair, except that, as usual, she climbed the two steps out of the living room and into the foyer on foot on her way into her bedroom for a nap.
• When she arose from her nap she decided to walker into the bathroom instead of being wheeled in. She walkered all the way. I also reinstituted the "stretch, drop shoulders, wiggle hips" routine we go through whenever she stands. She did very well with this, even let go of the bathroom counter when she was hip wiggling.
• No more substantial movement except for transferring into and out of the wheelchair and descending the two steps into the foyer until just before bedtime. She decided to walker to the banister along the steps leading from the living room into the foyer. Once she was up the steps, she decided to walker from the banister into the bathroom. As usual, I followed her closely with the wheelchair.
• Once we were finished in the bathroom, although I strongly advised her to consider allowing me to wheel her into the bedroom, she decided she wanted to walker the distance. Despite some difficulty managing the bathroom doorway, she did very well. At the bedside, instead of offering my arms as intermediary banisters I talked her through the process of turning with the walker in order to back up to the bed before sitting. She did very, very well.

    Today has involved the most and the most substantial movement of any day since her arrival home so far. I always make it clear that she has the choice of allowing me to wheel her to her destination. Today, I guess, she felt much more secure moving herself around.
    Although she complained about the "iffiness" of the walker once earlier in the week, she hasn't since, even though I've questioned her about it. She has, though, mentioned that she wishes it had a seat. Although two wheeled walkers with seats are rare, they are available, so this is the type of walker I'm going to find and purchase for her. Tonight I also realized that I need to pay attention not only to the adjustable height of the walker but its width, as well. Not only will a somewhat narrower walker, if available, be easier for her to negotiate through the bathroom door, I think her natural arm spread could use a slightly narrower stance.
    She is, by the way, finally staying closer to the walker than she was with the four wheeler. Tonight we talked about "the old, red walker" and she admitted that it had a tendency to "get away" from her. She likes the two wheeled style better. So do I. It seems to not only be easier for her to stay with them, but she does not pooh-pooh the idea of using a walker anymore.
    Once, today, in the evening on as we discussed her trek from her rocker to the bathroom, she asserted that she would walk from the rocker to the banister unaided. I squelched that idea. I told her that I didn't yet have confidence in her traversing any area that didn't offer easy hand holds and the only other mode, besides using a walker or the wheelchair, would be to use me as a walker. She chose using me. I laughed and said, "That wasn't a possibility I was giving you, that was just a mode, but I'm not making that one available to you. Believe me, using me would be worse than using the walker!" She not only understood, she surveyed my arms, outstretched in example as I was denying her their use, and she said, "I see what you mean." Good!
    She showed improvement, today, in transfers. I've been having trouble with her turning at her knees in order to position herself for sitting rather than turning with her feet. I coach her incessantly during seatings but she's been stubbornly ignoring me. Yesterday I scolded her during one particularly dangerous looking knee turn that if she didn't stop that technique she would "blow out her right knee," the one that was, previous to the evening of 5/14/08, incredibly iffy. Today with only slight reminding she was mostly conscientious about turning with her feet. I also impressed upon her, during an early transfer turn, today, that it is easier to turn with one's feet if one straightens one's knees. This is when her turning problem crops up: She invariably lowers herself to sit before she's turned her ass parallel to the chair seat. Today this bit of mechanical coaching kicked in.
    Each time she walkered, today, besides congratulating her and expressing my genuine delight in each walkering accomplishment, I asked her, after every trek, if it was "hard". She said, "No," looking surprised that I would ask, every time. She does get winded when she moves; I don't expect that to change. I dial her up to 4/lpm, though, when she's on her feet. This helps her catch her breath quickly and easily after a walkering session.
    Later.